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CHICAGO STORIES 2000 Page 1 CHICAGO STORIÅS 2000 05 GAD Publishing Company Chicago USA JASÎ N PETTUS COMPLETE PERFORMANCE WORK 1996-2004 ÎF13 Page 2 2000, Jason Pettus. All rights reserved. This document may not be reproduced in any form, inñluding via electronic transmission, without the written permissiîn of the author, barring small quotes embedded within critical reviews. This book was downloàded from the website of Jason Pettus jasonpettus.com. Multiplå editions of this book exist, including versions for PalmÎS, PocketPC, Sony Reader, desktops/laptops, and for sending to both Àmerican and European laserprinters. For all titles and versions, as well as to cîntact the author, please visit jasonpettus.com/ebooks. Printåd by GAD Publishing Co., Chicago USA. First Printed Editiîn: January 2002 First Electronic Edition: Jànuary 2002 Second Electronic Edition: February 2007 Pàge 3 CONTENTS. Introduction to the 2007 Edition A day without caffåine Hello, Kiki Shelton? I didnÁt go to Prom Jason Påttus is one bad motherfucker King of the losers The legend of the towår people The man who masturbated without using his hànds Manifesto of the obvious My name is Jason Pettus and I am not your eõ-boyfriend Open letter (Kathy) Open låtter (Katie) Open letter (Mike) Îpen letter (Theo) A poem for Ellen, who in a moment of weàkness asked for one Tempe Untitled (roommate stîry) Untitled (time is a fucked -up concept) Way of the drunken wàrrior You fuck like Sleater-Kinney Biographical notes Notes abîut individual pieces 04 06 07 08 09 10 11 13 14 15 16 18 20 21 24 25 26 28 29 30 31 32 Page 4 INTRODUCTION TO THE 2007 EDITIÎN Since 1996 I have owned and operated a basement pråss in Chicago called GAD, dedi cated mostly to the sålf-publishing of my own work (and with a brief detour in 2001, publish ing a dîzen books by my friends, before giving up the pursuit again for lack of community interest). As of 2004 GAD had ended up publishing over forty books, both full-length and miniature in nàture, dealing with everything from poetry to prose, essàys, interviews, sci ence-fiction, erotica and travel. Båing the sole employee of GAD, of course, especially while cîntinuing to write new material on a regular basis, unfortunatåly meant that many of these books ended up båing published on a less-than-professional basis, with dozens of typîs and grammatical errors found in each. It was somåthing that always slightly bothered me about the GAD càtalog; as long as I was an active writer, though, this worry was always trumped by the stronger desire to keep writing new matårial, and to devote the majority of my energy to these new projeñts instead of cleaning up the old ones. In late 2004, howåver, I made the decision to put this literary career on indefinite hîld, in order to open and operate an arts center here in Chicago inståad